Here Comes 2011....

As is the custom, the new year brings out resolutions, how are we going to live better?  How are we going to be better people?  But most of us ultimately lose our resolutions somewhere around February or March...so what can I do to keep my goals this year?  I definitely do want to work more on my weight loss and move forward from this currently stalled position, but what plan can I put in place to make sure that I keep moving forward instead of sliding backwards/staying static?

1.  I am going to find a 5K race to train for.  When I first started running, I signed up for a race so I knew that I had something to complete at the end of it.  It kept me from making excuses about why I couldn't run this day or that day.

2.  I'm going to re-start/continue my yoga practice.  Running and yoga are mirror images to me.  They both allow me to concentrate on the activity at hand and my subconscious can work itself out so I finish the activity feeling refreshed and my mind is a little calmer.  Yoga also has the benefit of keeping my body from getting stiffer as I get older (I will be hitting the big 3-0 in 2011).  I wake up better when I practice yoga.

3.  I'm going to carry my camera with me.  This has 2 purposes really, one emotional and one physical.  While I was sorting through some pictures from the Alaskan Cruise in July 2009, I realized that I didn't take many pictures of my life from then on.  Most of it was because I "hermitted," I didn't do much, didn't go out places, didn't really enjoy life due to the personal situation.  My camera is a link to life and the memories made with friends and family, but it will also chronicle me getting smaller!  When I look back on pictures I can appreciate where I was (almost 300 pounds...) and where I won't be again.  When you look at yourself in the mirror day after day it's hard to see the difference, but when you look at pictures from a month ago you can see the difference.

Here is my plan for 2011.  I am going to continue working towards a healthy, active lifestyle.

What is your plan?

Motivation.....

Since it's the holiday season and lack motivation right now is at an all time high, I thought I would write about motivation, hopefully to give myself some.  So here it goes....

Motivation is about what is inducing us to change, what is pushing us to become a better version of ourselves.  But what gives us that motivation?  Right now with the holidays, the motivation to eat right and finding time to exercise amidst all the other responsibilities that crop up this time of year, finding the energy/drive to get up off the couch, to cook dinner instead of picking up the phone is hard.

Motivation has to come from within.  I recently asked friends on a message board about their motivation, and while one of my bff's G had a great suggestion to help me get over the hump that is the holiday season, it's not going to help propel me into a new year with a new attitude.

Generally a journey like this starts with some outside pressure: an event you want to look pretty for (wedding or reunion), some health issue, or even societal pressure to fit into the norm.  Mine started as all of the above, but the long trek I've been on has kind of come to a halt.  This loss of motivation is part of what has stalled my journey in healthy living.  I have lost the outside pressure because I have lost weight already, feel better, look more normal, and have generally just improved my lifestyle over all.  But in order to continue the journey I need to find something intrinsic.  I haven't crested into the "I'm doing this because I want to" mode yet and I've lost the "I have to do this or else".

How do I transition into the next phase?  I started to climb out of the hole that I was in the past year and a half and that's a great feeling, but now what?  What do I do to transcend the issues?

Well, what I've decided to do is focus on the things that I love about myself and really look at the things I want to and can change.  I can change my weight, but I have to work at it.  I'm going to create little goals, I've always been good at working out plans, but I've never been good at the small steps.  Now I have to sit down and write those small goals....when I get to those, I'll let you know!!

Who and Why?

I figured I would take a moment to REALLY introduce myself and the reason behind this blog.

My name is Karen, I currently work as a high school science teacher, before that I was an environmental consultant and a non-profit organizer.  I've had a variety of other jobs as well but those are the major "real" jobs I've had.  Along with my professional life I am also a homeowner (that which takes up most of my time), a pet parent (2 dogs, 3 cats, and some fish...that which takes up almost all the rest), a casual runner, yoga practitioner, knitter, scrapbooker, music listener, and tv watcher.  Many of these activities I do alone or with friends, depending on the day.  So what's my story?

In March 2006 I was sick, so I went to the doctors, natural thing to do, right?  Well, while I was there I got on the scale and clocked in at 289 pounds.  I almost had a mental breakdown then and there.  This was "the moment", the moment that I realized I was too heavy for a 24 year old.  Even a 5'10" 24 year old.  It was that moment that I knew I had to change my life, no one had mentioned my weight to me in a "you're too heavy you're going to die" sort of way, I was only on asthma and allergy meds, my blood pressure was always good and so were my blood numbers (cholesterol and what not), but I knew that I was heading for an early grave, the risk factors were there.  My dad had an early heart attack (he was 40), of course all my life I've attributed that to his heavy smoking, but being almost 300 pounds myself couldn't have put me in good shape, even if I wasn't a smoker.

Looking back, I also noticed a change in myself leading up to that moment.  I've always been one of the fairly confident individuals in my world, being picked on for my weight all my life I adopted the "like me the way I am or screw you" attitude in high school but as the day at the doctor's loomed I realized I was having less and less confident days and more and more crappy, insecure days.  This coupled with the 289 pounds kicked my butt into gear.  For three years I worked to get off the weight, changed a lot of my habits and got down to 210 pounds, primarily through eating better and smaller portions and exercise.

In 2009, my life took an unexpected turn.  I decided to ask my husband of 2 years for a divorce.  Without rehashing all the details here, there were problems, and we were both at fault.  It is better this way, we're both happier, and still friends, but it still took its emotional toll on me.  I started to question myself as a human being, am I good enough?  What is wrong with me?  What did/didn't I do? I also realized that for many reasons I kept myself at a distance from family and friends.  I wouldn't discuss my REAL feelings with people, everything was always "fine".  I have a good group of family and friends but I never relied on the people in my life to help me when I needed it.  For many reasons, I would play my cards close to the vest and that has proven to be damaging in more ways than one.

What does this all mean?  It means that for the past year, I've been floundering, trying to gain my footing again.  And this emotional rollercoaster has derailed my weight-loss.  I've gained about 20 pounds back and have not been able to move forward in my journey and I'm hoping that 2011 brings me back into focus.  No let me rephrase that, 2011 WILL bring me back into focus and help me reach my goals.  This blog will be a tool for that purpose.

I can't wait to be able to share this with you, the ups and the downs.  And if it helps, even a little, I have accomplished a goal.

Entry - The First

So, I've decided to try and get back into regular blogging, but about what?  I decided I would give myself a direction to write about.  I'm going to concentrate on my health/fitness journey.  What does this mean for any/all readers?  Sometimes you'll see me ramble, sometimes you'll gain insight into something specific I'm trying, but all in all I hope that my struggle with becoming fitter by 30 (and beyond) gives you some help.

So the stats:
Starting Weight: 289 pounds
Current Weight: 226 pounds
Program I am following: Weight Watchers US PointsPlus

For anyone interested in trying to actually lose weight and keep it off, the best advice I can give to you is to eat better/less and exercise a little more.

I have been on this journey for 4.75 years (Started in March 2006), along my journey I've been married and divorced.  Both of those events definitely took their toll on my health and well-being, positively and negatively.  I've also begun understanding the things that brought me here.

Through this blog, I hope to share my journey to better health and help myself stay accountable.